Remember the quiet time before kids? I really miss that time. I took it for granted and now just wish I had 30 solid minutes of it. I miss lounging on the couch untouched in complete silence or even watching just one 20ish minute show without having to pause and rewind a million times. Now I always have someone’s gross, sticky hands touching me or someone(or four) screaming in my ear. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and would do anything in this world for them, but is it so much to ask for them to go to the playroom for 15 minutes and leave me the hell alone? Or just for them to understand this is my body and I don’t want to be touched right now? Some days I feel like my inner being is about to burst out of my skin from all the touching when all I want to do is take a dump in peace. During those times I just have to remind myself, they won’t be little forever. They will be teenagers in the blink of an eye and then I will have my revenge.

But what do you do until that time?

I’m a stay-at-home Mom who homeschools and I trust no one with my children so guess how many breaks I actually get a day? You guessed it- zero. I’m going crazy over here. I mean, I’m expressing myself on a laptop for the world to see right now in clothes my kids have gotten food all over from their many messy hugs and kisses, but I refuse to change until after the day is over because I don’t want to add to my already enormous, dirty laundry pile. Can I just win the lottery already and throw money at all these problems? “Here’s $100 leave me alone for 15 minutes, kid.”

In the meantime, I’m still poor so I will just take a few deep breaths and wait for the day when I’m old, gray and they’re taking care of me. I’m going to show the fuck out.